Signs for signs' sake

I've always been drawn to read signs, I think we've all been trained to do that growing up. If something is posted and legible, there's a good chance your eye catches it and you decipher the message.

Two signs in particular have caught my eye at UMD this semester. As I made a detour on the way to class Thursday to use the bathroom, my eyes focused on the sign staring directly back at me (guys know, at urinals, you stare at the wall. If there's a sign there, it's a bonus. Don't look down, sideways, and certainly not a combination of the two.)

The sign read "Gentlemen, Please FLUSH urinals after use." The word gentlemen threw me off at first. Who else do they think uses these? If ladies have been sneaking in and using our urinals, I guess they are exempt from flushing... so congratulations on that... but the other thing that really caught my attention was the emphasis on the word FLUSH.

Whenever I see an all caps like that on a verb, it leads me to believe there is another action it is replacing, like an "instead of." "Gentlemen, please FLUSH urinals after use, instead of using them to fill your water guns." Gentlemen, please FLUSH urinals after use, instead of floating toy boats in them. Ladies, feel free to do what you want."

As I looked closer at the sign, I found other people (I'm assuming gentlemen) had also included practical pieces of advice. "Wash your hands!" "Brush your teeth!" "Eat your vegetables!" The sign had obviously been there too long, and the list of other common sense ideas began to overflow the page. I opted against adding my own, simply because I find it strange to pull out a pencil and write something while peeing, or even afterward, when I haven't had a chance to wash my hands. I won't be borrowing any pencils from any gentlemen (again, just an assumption) anytime soon.

The second sign offered a much more subtle humor. In my classroom, the chalk board extends most of the way across the front of the room, then there is a divider, and following that is maybe the chalkiest cork board I've ever seen in my life... with nothing attached to it but a single note. "This is a bulletin board. Please don't write on it." This thing has clearly been used for years as a chalk board, and there's no way it's getting any worse... so I'd just like to meet the person who wrote this note and offer a new worthless cause to make signs for... there are a few examples I could think of, but I'll move on.

In my last bit of news, I won't be running on a treadmill again any time soon. Yesterday, I hopped on for a quick five-minute warmup before going to work out. Obviously, I chose the treadmill in front of the TV turned to ESPN. But halfway through my run, something on CNN, two TVs down the wall, caught my eye. They were talking about what would happen if we caught Osama Bin Laden. The wording on the screen suggested maybe we already had him in custody, and as I continued to stare to my right, trying to catch the story, I veered off the treadmill and onto the side platform, which doesn't move, by the way. Pushing off with that foot, I jammed my hip into the front of the treadmill. My other foot landed on the still-moving portion, and I made noticeable progress toward falling. Luckily I caught myself on the hand rails, and tried to ignore the gasps and exclamations from the row of women exercising directly behind me. Finishing my run, I quietly informed the treadmill that we are no longer friends.