My Christmas(break) Story

The funny thing about home is, whenever I return to it in Foley, MN, it's like I'm entering a different life. Things suddenly slow down, walking everywhere isn't an option so the car becomes a necessity, and something as simple as watching a movie turns into a big event.

As I drove home for Christmas this year, I looked forward to these things, but tried as hard as I could to pack my schedule to avoid lulls in the long days.

Miley Cyrus deleted Twitter? Who cares? She announced it with a rap? hmm...

Miley Cyrus deleted her twitter page, using this rap to announce it. I was shown it once, and it annoyed me. I saw it a second time, and I was fed up with the young singer. For a girl who claims to have never listened to Jay-Z, despite mentioning him in "Party in the USA" (someone else wrote it for her), she seems to be taking a lot of liberties with attempting to rap here. So underneath the embedded video, I posted my own lyrics. Enjoy.

Stories

It's been a busy week, with plenty happening to keep my life busy.

Among other things, I have been accosted by facebook spam through the kind gesture of two Augsburg friends who clearly didn't want to study. I have also been participating in another puppy dog mishap, along with the "pressures" of finals that college allows. Within this same time frame, I also had the opportunity to cover the NCAA volleyball Regional tournament in Minneapolis, watching the Minnesota Gophers advance to the Final Four, where they will be headed this week.

All these topics have stories, hence the name of today's blog.

Robert Miller, as I know him

Robert Miller is a name well-known around the Foley community, where I grew up. He grew up as an avid sports fan, but Robert wouldn't have the opportunity to play on a team like the rest of the group, as he was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy.

But the great thing about Robert Miller is, he didn't let that stop him. He became a staple on the sidelines of wrestling matches and football games throughout his school career, and his fiery passion for sports and ability to inspire even caught media attention, as it was him on the front cover of the St. Cloud Times in 1998, arms raised in celebration from his electric wheelchair, as our football team won the state championship.

Another Awkward Professor Encounter

What is the appropriate way to tell your professor that you never had any intention of doing an assignment he/she had given and subsequently collected from the rest of the class a week ago?

I get this all the time, (well not ALL the time, I do SOME work)... But it happens quite a bit at Augsburg. Today, it happened again.

I breezed through my Spanish test, mostly because we go slower in Augsburg Spanish than we did in high school Spanish... (what does that tell you?), only to have the professor stop me as I was leaving.

"Mark, I can't seem to find (this five point) assignment from you."

And... I'm trapped. What I'd like to say is the truth...

Top Ten reasons I'm glad to have J.J. Hardy on my team

10: HE doesn't get caught over-rounding 2nd base in the playoffs.

9: HE won't throw home on a sac fly from 385 out in CF with speedy runners on 1st and 3rd.

8: HE looks like he's batted before.

7: HE can't be an excuse for Gardy to not start Span in '08.

6. HE can't be an excuse for Gardy to not start Young.

5: HE speaks English.

4: HE doesn't think he's God's gift to baseball.

3: When HE's hitting .229, it's an OFF year.

2. HE falls down swinging less.

2b: HE wasn't part of the failed Johan trade.

1: HE won't try to rock a 'fro anytime soon.

The Vikings/Favre saga, the Ross and Rachel Edition

When I woke up to find reports of Brett Favre's plans to join the Vikings, it hit me: I've heard this before.

It's not what you think, I'm not talking about his hemming and hawing back-and-forth banter with retirement, which we've all seen... I mean I've SEEN this entire thing play out in front of me before, in its completion, at least three full times this year.

Excited, I went to fellow Friends enthusiast Lucas Peterson to share my theory, and when he agreed without too much explanation, I decided it was time to share it with you.

We have been watching the remake of the Ross and Rachel subplot of the popular television show, "Friends." Allow my next 4000 words or so to explain...

The Couch Potato

I've been sleeping on the futon each night for about a week now, and today I really never got off of it. Why didn’t I leave the couch today? Well, first of all, I've been physically active all week and I'm tired. Secondly, for the first time since early December, I finally have cable again, not to mention a TV larger than 13 inches.

That’s right, this weekend, we finally re-acquired my roommate’s TV from the girl who had been using it, and the best news: it fits perfectly within the hole in my entertainment center.

But this came at a cost.

The Touch Screen

In the words of the legendary Britney Spears, (and her lip-syncing psycho male fans, as can be seen here... Oops, I did it again.

Halfway through my note tonight, I was distracted by a status seen in my "online friends," and didn't resist the urge to click over and add a sarcastic comment. Like last time, the note is now gone.

But my memory of the weekend is still fairly sharp, thank goodness.

I'll admit by the end of the week last week, I was burned out, and had stopped paying enough attention to life to notice and appreciate the interesting and potentially humorous everyday moments that without a doubt occur in everyone's lives.

So to relax and try to get that back, I headed over to the freshman dorms Friday night after practice. The baseball guys weren't up to much, but that was just what I was looking for... A place to just relax for a bit. Some of the freshmen didn't share my sentiment however.

Halfway through getting pounded in a game of Madden on PS3, I paused to watch one of the freshmen stand up and announce to the room, "I'm going to go ride the elevator!" and jog out. I honestly hope he found something better to do with his time than ride the elevator that night.

When I left about an hour later, the elevator was empty.

Saturday brought even more excitement, as my roommate announced we could go get the TV from THAT girl (who I now believe is holding my roommate's TV hostage). He said he had talked to her, and she said we could grab it anytime over the weekend, but as we sat in the living room for two hours while he called and called and called this woman, that was clearly not the case.

The only reason we gave up is because I had to go to help my sister pick out and set up HER new television.

So after creeping along 35W, more commonly known as the worst road in America, I arrived in time to watch her decide on a 37" flat panel television, and helped her load it to bring to her apartment.

Upon arrival, we carried the TV in and I plugged it in to find the screen had a setup window up with three options: English, French, Spanish. I'm not sure who chose the languages that got to be on screen, but I can't help but think all Canadian-speaking Canadians must be offended.

Anyway, I started digging in the box to find the remote and put the batteries in to get through the screen. Jean (my sister) meanwhile sat down a full 18 inches away from the screen and stared intently. To pass the time, I said "You know, if you want to get that started, it's a touch screen, just go ahead."

She seemed surprised. "Really??" And reached out and firmly pressed one finger into her brand new TV screen, where the "English" option was.

That single moment made the trip 100% worth it.

Props to Zach and Pat for throwing an amazing party that night. The house was packed with lots of people I knew and some I didn't know, and made for one of the most entertaining nights I've had in a long time.

Possibly my favorite moment of the party: I had met and chatted with Gophers soccer player Sara Clancy (if you read this Sara, sorry this story HAD to go in) prior to the party at a friend's apartment. Once we had arrived at the party, I for some reason found myself being introduced to fellow soccer player Kaitlyn Wagner (check spelling on that first name...)

When I heard the name, I recognized it, and told her I know who she was. Sara immediately jumped in with "He's not a creeper or anything, he just used to write for the Daily."

It's always nice to have someone there to tell people you aren't a creeper. And because of that kindness, I decided to befriend Ms. Clancy on facebook today.

The weekend included several little stories as well, but as promised, I only offer you what I think is the best. In the interest of any type of longevity of this blog, I'd like to ask those who still read what they would like to see in here, and how often they are interested in reading about it. Please feel free to respond honestly and/or bluntly, the purpose is for your own enjoyment, so help yourself out!

Life's Little Instruction Book says: "Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something, and has lost something."

I'm personally afraid of heights, elevators, spicy foods, foods that are not from America, snakes, deer flies, horse flies, June bugs and loaded weapons in my room, to name a few. What are you afraid of?

Enjoy.

the lonely attendant

I have A.D.D., and it just cost me dearly. As I was writing out day four's note, I noticed a status I wanted to comment on, and clicked on the person. I quickly realized what I had done, but it was too late, all of my work was gone. So hopefully I can recreate it for you.

Today, unfortunately for you, was actually somewhat normal. I accomplished plenty today, including half of a crossword puzzle, and I figured out the answer to the question that has been plaguing me since I first arrived at this campus: Why is cafeteria food, prepared by professional cooks, SO BAD?! My friends and/or enemies and/or acquaintances, allow me to explain.

Unlike what you may assume, these people aren't necessarily the flunkies of the Le Cordon Blu college you see commercials for on television. But like each of us, these people have strengths and weaknesses. They may be good at cooking one type of food, but struggle with another. Beyond this, they are working with a tight budget and mass-producing for people who have already paid for a year's worth of food, so they just don't care.

Today, one of the servers used the phrase "suck it up" to me. Allow me to back-track.

I was browsing through each line, looking for something to eat when one of the "professional" (quotations because her behavior was less than professional) service ladies from behind one of the displays asked me bluntly what I wanted. I asked, "Does buffalo chicken mean it's spicy?"

She said, "yes."

"Oh, ok... thank you." And I moved to the next station.

She actually followed me. "You're going to let that stop you from having some?"

I looked down at my tray, already fairly full with ham, scalloped potatoes, Pizza, buns, two brownies and a ham sandwich, and replied, "Yeah sorry, I'm not a big fan of spicy food."

"Oh, suck it up," she said with a disgusted look on her face. And with that, she waddled back over to her station. I considered asking what stops HER from having some of anything, but decided that a fat joke to a likely-underpaid, overworked food service provider would only add a little of her homemade backwash to my beverages for the rest of the semester.

In my evenings spent on campus recently, I've spent a lot of time down in this little space with a ping pong table and a pool table with a couple of fellow baseball players. I've learned a valuable lesson. I don't get any better or worse at pool based on how often I play. I'm always just mediocre.

There was a new attendant tonight however, and he gave me some enjoyment. We were clearly the only three people in the room, so the equipment was ours to use. But unlike the previous two night's attendants, this one felt the need to inform us EVERY half hour for about two and a half hours that our time on the table was up, and asked us if we would like to start a new half hour.

Maybe he was lonely and this was his only chance to talk to someone? I'm not sure. But regardless of the reason, he'd break from the South Park marathon he was watching to ask us this unbelievably stupid question. Augsburg, I just want you to know you're a really Special place...

Last item of real consequence: Molly Feuling sent me a picture of a cat via text, with the message "Just wanted to say hello..." This is the second time in about a month or so that I've received something like this from her, and for this reason, I believe she is mass texting this message, much like people would a Christmas card. If you have received a text of this nature from the said Ms. Feuling, please let me know. We may be entering a new era in texting.

Also, Brett Favre is retired. So is Michael Jordan. I expect both to make comebacks in the near future.

I'm sorry to disappoint, but I think that's all I've got for today, some days are just better than others I guess! I'm considering picking a certain topic for each day and using it as a theme. I have a few topics on my mind at the present moment, but I am not sure this is the best time to bring some of them up... so we'll see what happens.

From "Life's Little Instruction Book:" Ask someone you'd like to know better to list five people he or she would most like to meet. It will tell you a lot about them.

If that suggestion got you thinking, feel free to comment with YOUR top five :-)

Enjoy.

Grocery shopping with Foreigners

I’m beginning to think that my foreign roommate is having a negative affect on my dreams. Last night I was driving home from a basketball game at Mora between Indiana and Notre Dame, with Lucas and a kid on my baseball team nicknamed “Glass.” I have no clue why they were in the car. Anyway I went the wrong way and ended up in the mountains of Brazil (does Brazil even have mountains?) Realizing we had to turn around, we began crawling down the path which had somehow shrunk to an edge with a severe drop-off. (Recall, I’m afraid of heights…)

Then, when Lucas stopped near an eagle’s nest with baby eagles in it, and I couldn’t get around him, I flew, (just like the car disappearing, now I was a bluebird?) and ended up getting eaten by a seagull. Terrifying, but also sad that it took me until this morning to realize that I had driven up the “mountain” as a human… and should have been able to just drive back down, worst-case scenario. By 10 AM, I was already feeling retarded for the day.

The feeling continued as I went on a FIELD TRIP with my journalism class... yes that's right, we're back in Kindergarten. We headed to a public radio station about 4 blocks from campus and crammed ourselves into a very small room for the "tour." After about 5 minutes, I was sweating. After 30 minutes I noticed a thermostat on the wall... 78 degrees, no lie. And the director of operations droned on and on as if nothing was wrong with the situation, and kids continued to ask meaningless questions “So what’s YOUR favorite broadcast from this station?” “Who picks the songs?” “Do the volunteers get paid?” Finally I’d had enough.

As the hippie standing behind me edged in front following his frustration in not having had a chance to have HIS question answered, I quickly slid to his old position and headed out the door. It wasn’t until I had reached the bottom of the stairs that I realized I had a follower. I offered a nod as if to say, “good choice,” and we went our separate ways.

I'm telling my dad I made a friend. That's close enough, right? He'll be proud.

It was about lunch time, so I feel that it's only fair to add a break for you as well, and offer today's Words of Wisdom: For the sake of your kitchen, bottles with pop-up tops are best to be shaken while closed. If you hypothetically didn't close the bottle while trying to mix hypothetical orange kool-aid in that type of bottle, you might have a good 5-minute cleanup period ahead of you.

I felt bad about hating on my roommate simply for forcing me to have a strange and horrible dream, so I took him grocery shopping following some random cleaning of the kitchen. Try shopping with foreigners, it's actually kind of fun. They act like it's some big treat to go to the store, since they have no car, and then spend time examining different foods and reading the backs of each item before carefully selecting their FIVE items. It took about 30 minutes for him to pick out five items, doing so with a big smile on his face. I also had a smile on mine, but for different reasons.

And for those who are going to ask whether I intend to bring him along with me the next time I go grocery shopping, the answer is yes. I may tire of the careful search eventually, but I really hate grocery shopping by myself. I'm always worried the weirdos in the store might start talking to me.

After a one-hour session on mental toughness and confidence building, we headed to practice to work on backing up bases on doubles. What that entails for a pitcher is heading to the mound, pretending to throw a pitch, and watching the pitching machine launch a ball about 300 feet over your head. Talk about confidence boosters. If I ever get hit as hard as this machine "hit" me today, I'll probably commit suicide, which all pitchers almost did in our fairly tough running regiment today. I guess it was just not a good day for pitchers.

After climbing out of the cellar earlier in the year, I managed to reclaim my spot as "worst foos ball player on the team", losing two of three to who is now the first runner up. I know after winning one I should have walked away, but having a table in the locker room is just too tempting.

Well there's your basic Tuesday I guess... oh, and the shower situation hasn't resolved itself yet for those who are clearly concerned.

Tonight's excerpt from "Life's Little Instruction Book:" Before buying a house or renting an apartment, check the water pressure by turning on the faucets and the shower and then flushing the toilet.

Enjoy.

Drowning in a Puddle, among other things

First, thanks for all who commented on the last one, it was surprising, but nice to know people are reading.

You know you've really settled in when you feel comfortable enough to shower in your own apartment. I don't know what it is, but I really hate using other people's showers, so when I can use the one in the apartment, it is almost a message saying "I'm in my own home."

I made a conscious decision for that day to be today, but realized all my body wash was in the locker room, so sadly, I ended up cleaning myself over there. Someday soon though, I will mentally "move in."

Two classes today, yes I only made two of three. When the teachers pack in so much stupid in such a short amount of time, I feel I can't handle that last class. Favorite quote from Chemistry, the teacher speaks about radioactive atoms: "When so many protons get packed together, they can't stand it, and the substance becomes unstable. It's like Thanksgiving Dinner."

I was still shaking my head as I unwittingly entered a "Peace Now" rally, mistakenly thinking it was my micro-economics class. The professor began the discussion regarding the War in Iraq as a negative externality, saying since we went in for illegitimate purposes, we should pull out now.

My entire class erupted into discussion against the war, and I soon realized I was the only person who was conservative, not to mention moderate. Finally, after listening to about 10 minutes of one-sided conversation, I asked the teacher, "but isn't the 'illegitimate purpose for entering' a sunk cost, which shouldn't factor into the decision for pulling out now?"

I was rewarded with only a blank stare from the professor and glares from my "classmates". That's when I decided to shut up.

In place of my third class, I watched an episode of Monk, the one where he goes to the football game. I only tell you this, because it was then I realized that I really hate watching actors pretend to be athletes. Imagine the clumsiest, most uncoordinated person from high school... those from my school, I think we're all imagining the same person here... now think how they look as athletes... yes, that's what actors look like.

Pitching a live session with real hitters is always a great opportunity to see where you're at, and I'm proud to report, I didn't hit anyone. It went well enough, but I'm not going to really bore you with the details... if you really want to know about my pitching, lemme know and I'll grab you a schedule.

On my way home, I drowned in the little park in between my apartment and the athletic complex. Apparently, during the required transfer information session I attended, they didn't feel like telling anyone that when it gets warm, a lake forms under the snow. Next time I'll bring scuba gear.

My last event for the day was a required Time Management Seminar, which began 2 minutes late. Anyone else find that ironic?

Finally, hats off to Andrew Andersen from the baseball team, who beat me in ping pong tonight with crappy paddles and a higher-than regulation net, and thanks also for showing me where a table is so I can play now. Enjoy that win, it will be your last.

I didn't know how to end this last time, but I've found a good way for tonight and beyond. I have a book called "Life's Little Instruction Book." I'll give you one entry each night.

Tonight's advice: "Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully."

Enjoy.

The First, Ever, Mark My Words

Let's be honest: I have a lot of free time on my hands. AND I'm bored a lot, which leads to this.

I'd like to preface this by saying I know a lot of you have better things to do than read this and/or don't really care about my daily anecdotes or proceedings. That's ok, that's why I'm not tagging anyone. I also know a lot of you don't have anything better to do, but don't really care. that's ok too. And I'm sure, by the number of people I've suddenly started talking to over facebook, that there are a few that both have nothing better to do, and also are somewhat interested. This is for you, but also for me.

I have stories from this semester to last me years already, but I'm only going to do this a day at a time, beginning with today: Sunday, February 8th.

For those who don't know, I am officially moved out of the first apartment I was given. My poor luck with roommates continued, and drove me into a one-bedroom two-person apartment with a senior from Guatemala. For those who don't know, James would like for me to inform you, that's somewhere in Asia.

The perks involved with moving from the one life to the next primarily involves the trip home. It felt great to go run around in the snow with my puppy, and was even fun hanging with my parent's two foreign exchange students. Mi Rin, the younger of the two, learned a hard lesson when agreeing to my deal: I cook lunch, she does the dishes. It's good for her, trust me.

Loading up the van took little time, and big thanks to dad who saved me a trip by following me down to the cities WITH said van. I brought the futon, TV stand, gamecube, dvd player... but the most prized possession in the load was the broom and vaccuum. A fresh start in a clean apartment, I almost felt normal, until dad started asking questions.

"So have you made any friends?"

"sure."

"That aren't on the team?"

shoot.

I know I joked before coming here that I would spend all of my time at the U and not bother trying to make new friends, but I didn't think I'd follow through as much as I have. I tried to explain to my father how the only people my age who are still looking for friends are likely losers, unless they too have transferred, and how I don't mind keeping my head down and mouth shut on this side of the river, but he gave me a stern look and said "make some friends."

I tagged that as the most humorous moment of the day. Having a parent trying to dictate your social life... I know I avoided chuckling until he left.

So after cleaning and arranging furniture, I finally had everything set, and was proud of my living room. Minus one or two things. A: I had left the TV chord for cable back home. B: Everything's set up around a non-existent TV. My roommate insisted we use his TV, which is apparently being stored somewhere right now, so I left mine at home. It's not here yet. For entertainment, I simply trotted over to the gym to watch old men play basketball in some sort of league. It was a slow-paced game, but it looked much better than what I've seen from the intramural squads here.

Long and busy day, capped off with me being bored enough to write half a book on today. If this blog continues, I promise I'll try to keep it shorter!

The... um... well, not The End.