Hello all, and Happy Valentine's Day!
With baseball season eating up a fair amount of time, these posts have obviously been few and far between so far this year. But lucky for you, I've been keeping you in mind, and have jotted a few things down in my notebook to help compile only the best (worst?) stories that are qualified to go on the blog.
Before we get into today's compilation, a note regarding some requests I've received for a posting about the Twins' chances and possible lineups this year: I know you asked for it a while ago, be patient, and I'll get it written for you soon.
Today's topic will be stupid things that happen in Augsburg classrooms.
I swapped out one of my classes for a "Principles of Management" class one day into the semester this year, to find out that this class takes attendance every day. So as I sat in the back, I realized that my name would probably be the last one called, since I was new to the class. I prepared to raise my hand and say here, when the professor called out the last name on the list, "Mary Heise."
Shocked, my body stayed on auto-pilot as I raised my hand, and answered: "Here." The professor looked up at me, a little surprised, and said "Mary?" Embarrassed, I answered "I prefer to be called Mark."
Two days later, the next day of this same class, the same professor got to my name and called out "Marty Heise." This time, I was ready. "It's still Mark," I said, raising my hand. She muttered something under her breath, and proceeded with her lecture, which was ironically about finding ways to make employees feel wanted and important. (One simple start-point would be to learn their names.)
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Somehow, that is not my most ridiculous class. Far and away, that title has gone to Interpersonal Communication, which I thought was supposed to be an advanced class for Communication Studies majors, but based on those attending, it seems to be more like the lifeline Augsburg is attempting to extend to the socially inept.
One of my favorite recurring lines, coming from a student that perennially sits in the front row is: "Oh, you want me to elaborate?" Allow me to give you an example.
The professor: "What characteristics do feminine countries usually have?"
Front row kid: "Women." Complete silence. "Oh, do you want me to elaborate?"
The professor usually says yes to this question, but it's met with more awkward silence, because the kid finally realizes that he really didn't have more than one word that loosely related to the subject.
In this same class is a kid who stood up and proudly proclaimed on the first day of class that "I don't have a cell phone, and it's liberating." I think his next two sentences went something like this... "If my real friends want to get ahold of me, they'll make the extra effort." and then the next sentence... "I get to spend a lot more nights at home now."
What does that suggest? You're right, you have no friends. May I add, this same kid has one ear pierced and talks about break-dancing a lot. He was also on my team when we, a mixed-gender group, played "Taboo" in class one day. When one of my friends was giving clues, saying "This is something I've never seen before, and I don't think any of you have either..." the no cell-phone doofus yelled out, in class, "A naked woman!" That was not the answer on the Taboo card.
We each got to give the clues for Taboo three times, and he was very proactive in guessing on each of my first two turns, but during my third turn giving clues (during a very close game, I might add), he interrupts me to ask, "Whose team is he on?" I felt a little bit like strangling him, and if it weren't for the 53 cats I'm sure he goes home to every night, I doubt anyone would have missed him.
Now some of you might be thinking this is nothing, two rotten eggs in one class? Grow up, Mark... I assure you, it isn't just these two, it's practically the entire class.
Ex: Professor: "What are some 'snarl-words' that are connotative with 'pigs?'"
Girl in the back: "Well, sometimes, babies are so cute!"
And that's just the tip of the iceberg for the students.
This is also the class that taught me that I can not say "Fireman," or "Policeman," or "Manwich." Ok, maybe not "manwich," but other off-limit words supposedly include husband and wife, because it's offensive to homosexuals who can't get married. The English language is shrinking more and more each day, and it makes me sad.
I'm going to end it with a Valentine's Day request, and by Valentine's Day, I of course mean the movie. If you've seen this movie in theaters yet, please let me know what you thought of it! I'm considering spending money to see it, because my girl Taylor Swift is obviously in it. (By my girl, I don't mean I own her, or even have met her. She's just awesome, that's all.)
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