If I don't learn anything, at least I'll hear a couple good stories...

You get two 1st days of school each year in college, but for some reason, I only get excited about starting classes about once a year. Maybe it's because I don't have much faith that I'll learn anything in the classes offered, or maybe it's a mood-swing phenomenon that is simply inexplicable, but it's, with certainty, a fact.

As I entered this semester - one I'm hoping to graduate after - still four credits short, including the class I gave up on and failed last semester, I somehow found myself excited to start school again. For once, I had hope, and it came in the form of a class called "Media Communications." Surely if there is a class in this world that is tailored to my future career, this would be it... and maybe I'd finally take something useful away from college... something other than the ability to sled using a lunch tray.

Please Fix the Titles

It's three days post-break, and the memories or why I struggle to survive these classes are already streaking back to me.

I realized I honestly have no problem with the classes themselves. My argument lies with the naming and description of the classes.

For example:

Repeat to yourself: Three more days...

I've had my radio alarm set to Air1 since about November, when the radio dial somehow rolled down from 102.9 Christmas music to 102.5 Christian music... I have to be honest, it's been a great start to my days, putting me in a right frame of mind right off the bat, but it's also held drawbacks.

The biggest downfall to the soothingly familiar music waking me up is, I don't mind laying in bed for a longer time, listening to the music and morning show. And also drift in and out of sleep.

This was one of the problems I faced this morning, as I didn't actually get out of bed until I realized I was less than minutes away from class time, with at least five-minute drive ahead of me. The importance of the class period, since we didn't actually have a lecture, was to sign up for a good day for presentations. Jumping out of bed, I threw on the closest clothes I had to me, and raced out to my car. As always, Augsburg parking was ridiculous, with no spots available, so I nestled into a pay meter, dug into the change in my car, and threw in 30 cents. Yes, 30 cents. The first coin I put into the meter was a nickel, which I didn't realize until it was down. You don't get credit for nickels, by the way...

What's my name again?

Hello all, and Happy Valentine's Day!

With baseball season eating up a fair amount of time, these posts have obviously been few and far between so far this year. But lucky for you, I've been keeping you in mind, and have jotted a few things down in my notebook to help compile only the best (worst?) stories that are qualified to go on the blog.

Before we get into today's compilation, a note regarding some requests I've received for a posting about the Twins' chances and possible lineups this year: I know you asked for it a while ago, be patient, and I'll get it written for you soon.

Today's topic will be stupid things that happen in Augsburg classrooms.

Stories

It's been a busy week, with plenty happening to keep my life busy.

Among other things, I have been accosted by facebook spam through the kind gesture of two Augsburg friends who clearly didn't want to study. I have also been participating in another puppy dog mishap, along with the "pressures" of finals that college allows. Within this same time frame, I also had the opportunity to cover the NCAA volleyball Regional tournament in Minneapolis, watching the Minnesota Gophers advance to the Final Four, where they will be headed this week.

All these topics have stories, hence the name of today's blog.

Another Awkward Professor Encounter

What is the appropriate way to tell your professor that you never had any intention of doing an assignment he/she had given and subsequently collected from the rest of the class a week ago?

I get this all the time, (well not ALL the time, I do SOME work)... But it happens quite a bit at Augsburg. Today, it happened again.

I breezed through my Spanish test, mostly because we go slower in Augsburg Spanish than we did in high school Spanish... (what does that tell you?), only to have the professor stop me as I was leaving.

"Mark, I can't seem to find (this five point) assignment from you."

And... I'm trapped. What I'd like to say is the truth...

Grocery shopping with Foreigners

I’m beginning to think that my foreign roommate is having a negative affect on my dreams. Last night I was driving home from a basketball game at Mora between Indiana and Notre Dame, with Lucas and a kid on my baseball team nicknamed “Glass.” I have no clue why they were in the car. Anyway I went the wrong way and ended up in the mountains of Brazil (does Brazil even have mountains?) Realizing we had to turn around, we began crawling down the path which had somehow shrunk to an edge with a severe drop-off. (Recall, I’m afraid of heights…)

Then, when Lucas stopped near an eagle’s nest with baby eagles in it, and I couldn’t get around him, I flew, (just like the car disappearing, now I was a bluebird?) and ended up getting eaten by a seagull. Terrifying, but also sad that it took me until this morning to realize that I had driven up the “mountain” as a human… and should have been able to just drive back down, worst-case scenario. By 10 AM, I was already feeling retarded for the day.

The feeling continued as I went on a FIELD TRIP with my journalism class... yes that's right, we're back in Kindergarten. We headed to a public radio station about 4 blocks from campus and crammed ourselves into a very small room for the "tour." After about 5 minutes, I was sweating. After 30 minutes I noticed a thermostat on the wall... 78 degrees, no lie. And the director of operations droned on and on as if nothing was wrong with the situation, and kids continued to ask meaningless questions “So what’s YOUR favorite broadcast from this station?” “Who picks the songs?” “Do the volunteers get paid?” Finally I’d had enough.

As the hippie standing behind me edged in front following his frustration in not having had a chance to have HIS question answered, I quickly slid to his old position and headed out the door. It wasn’t until I had reached the bottom of the stairs that I realized I had a follower. I offered a nod as if to say, “good choice,” and we went our separate ways.

I'm telling my dad I made a friend. That's close enough, right? He'll be proud.

It was about lunch time, so I feel that it's only fair to add a break for you as well, and offer today's Words of Wisdom: For the sake of your kitchen, bottles with pop-up tops are best to be shaken while closed. If you hypothetically didn't close the bottle while trying to mix hypothetical orange kool-aid in that type of bottle, you might have a good 5-minute cleanup period ahead of you.

I felt bad about hating on my roommate simply for forcing me to have a strange and horrible dream, so I took him grocery shopping following some random cleaning of the kitchen. Try shopping with foreigners, it's actually kind of fun. They act like it's some big treat to go to the store, since they have no car, and then spend time examining different foods and reading the backs of each item before carefully selecting their FIVE items. It took about 30 minutes for him to pick out five items, doing so with a big smile on his face. I also had a smile on mine, but for different reasons.

And for those who are going to ask whether I intend to bring him along with me the next time I go grocery shopping, the answer is yes. I may tire of the careful search eventually, but I really hate grocery shopping by myself. I'm always worried the weirdos in the store might start talking to me.

After a one-hour session on mental toughness and confidence building, we headed to practice to work on backing up bases on doubles. What that entails for a pitcher is heading to the mound, pretending to throw a pitch, and watching the pitching machine launch a ball about 300 feet over your head. Talk about confidence boosters. If I ever get hit as hard as this machine "hit" me today, I'll probably commit suicide, which all pitchers almost did in our fairly tough running regiment today. I guess it was just not a good day for pitchers.

After climbing out of the cellar earlier in the year, I managed to reclaim my spot as "worst foos ball player on the team", losing two of three to who is now the first runner up. I know after winning one I should have walked away, but having a table in the locker room is just too tempting.

Well there's your basic Tuesday I guess... oh, and the shower situation hasn't resolved itself yet for those who are clearly concerned.

Tonight's excerpt from "Life's Little Instruction Book:" Before buying a house or renting an apartment, check the water pressure by turning on the faucets and the shower and then flushing the toilet.

Enjoy.

Drowning in a Puddle, among other things

First, thanks for all who commented on the last one, it was surprising, but nice to know people are reading.

You know you've really settled in when you feel comfortable enough to shower in your own apartment. I don't know what it is, but I really hate using other people's showers, so when I can use the one in the apartment, it is almost a message saying "I'm in my own home."

I made a conscious decision for that day to be today, but realized all my body wash was in the locker room, so sadly, I ended up cleaning myself over there. Someday soon though, I will mentally "move in."

Two classes today, yes I only made two of three. When the teachers pack in so much stupid in such a short amount of time, I feel I can't handle that last class. Favorite quote from Chemistry, the teacher speaks about radioactive atoms: "When so many protons get packed together, they can't stand it, and the substance becomes unstable. It's like Thanksgiving Dinner."

I was still shaking my head as I unwittingly entered a "Peace Now" rally, mistakenly thinking it was my micro-economics class. The professor began the discussion regarding the War in Iraq as a negative externality, saying since we went in for illegitimate purposes, we should pull out now.

My entire class erupted into discussion against the war, and I soon realized I was the only person who was conservative, not to mention moderate. Finally, after listening to about 10 minutes of one-sided conversation, I asked the teacher, "but isn't the 'illegitimate purpose for entering' a sunk cost, which shouldn't factor into the decision for pulling out now?"

I was rewarded with only a blank stare from the professor and glares from my "classmates". That's when I decided to shut up.

In place of my third class, I watched an episode of Monk, the one where he goes to the football game. I only tell you this, because it was then I realized that I really hate watching actors pretend to be athletes. Imagine the clumsiest, most uncoordinated person from high school... those from my school, I think we're all imagining the same person here... now think how they look as athletes... yes, that's what actors look like.

Pitching a live session with real hitters is always a great opportunity to see where you're at, and I'm proud to report, I didn't hit anyone. It went well enough, but I'm not going to really bore you with the details... if you really want to know about my pitching, lemme know and I'll grab you a schedule.

On my way home, I drowned in the little park in between my apartment and the athletic complex. Apparently, during the required transfer information session I attended, they didn't feel like telling anyone that when it gets warm, a lake forms under the snow. Next time I'll bring scuba gear.

My last event for the day was a required Time Management Seminar, which began 2 minutes late. Anyone else find that ironic?

Finally, hats off to Andrew Andersen from the baseball team, who beat me in ping pong tonight with crappy paddles and a higher-than regulation net, and thanks also for showing me where a table is so I can play now. Enjoy that win, it will be your last.

I didn't know how to end this last time, but I've found a good way for tonight and beyond. I have a book called "Life's Little Instruction Book." I'll give you one entry each night.

Tonight's advice: "Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully."

Enjoy.